doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
