I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
