Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just gift wrapped bread.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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