I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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