Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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