My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
