I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
