no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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