he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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