So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The air was thick with penises
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
