in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
