I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
