my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
