yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
