did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
