Do you still have your period?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
