Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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