I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
