I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I believe in your delicious
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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