I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
