I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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