Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Randomize
