They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
