shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
