i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
