mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
even my farts smell like vagina
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
