You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
