she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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