I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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