Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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