it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
