Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
