Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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