You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
