no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
