the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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