my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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