Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
