Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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