Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
