I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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