Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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