i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
