talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
