He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just took my morning after pill in the library
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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