I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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