Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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