I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
