Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
