Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
