If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
