what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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