girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
