I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
