your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
