I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
