Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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